Adopted (Asgard Shorts series 10)
by LadyLorena
Summary: Grace and Loki decide to adopt a teenager. Part of the sequence of one shots that follow The Best of Both Worlds.


Loki and Grace, who always kept life in Asgard's royal palace interesting, were about to adopt a child. A teenager, to be exact. After interviewing the house mothers at the city's dozen orphanages, they had discovered a boy and a girl who were both older teens, both who were considered near impossible to place in a home. The house mothers assured them that the other children were all easily adoptable- no one ever stayed in the orphanages for more than a year- but these two, they were tricky placements.

When they arrived at Miss Alva's Home for Unfortunate Youngsters to meet the boy, they were met at the door by one of the servants, "I'm sorry, Miss Alva has to cancel today. She says Troy is not feeling amiable to an interview."

"Perhaps we ought to return another day?"

"You can talk to her later about that- she is busy at the present."

"Ah. I see. Tell Miss Alva we were here and I hope we might meet Troy at another time."

The servant looked wary, "I will, sir, but I do not think you will be meeting the boy. He seems quite hostile towards the royal family and I do not think that will change. You see, he is a recent orphan and his father was killed in Vanaheim."

Loki's voice softened, "Oh. Then perhaps we are not the right family to take him as our own."

"Likely not. Good luck, though. I'm sure you will find the child right for you."

As they walked from Miss Alva's to Mother Inga's Home for Girls, Grace tried to gauge Loki's reaction to the rejection, "I was pretty awful to the families I didn't want to be adopted by. There was this super religious family that came in to meet me with their 15 year old...I made sure to swear extra for them. It takes a while to meet the right family."

"And were you awful for Mr Stark as well?"

"Horrible. I thought he was just adopting me to look good, so I put on my best tough girl act and swore like a sailor. He thought it was cute- told me he was glad I could swear just as much as he could. So then I played sullen. He told me he could do that, too. And he could pretend people weren't there when they were right in front of him, storm off in a huff, and be incredibly rude to make people leave. Then he said he was essentially an overgrown teenager and wouldn't I at least consider visiting? It worked. I visited. We clicked."

"Do you think Troy is, perhaps, putting on these airs?"

"Nah, I think he probably really hates the royal family for the war. That's OK, though. We'll find ourselves a kid that clicks, and Troy will find a family who he can express that anger with. In fact, I think I know a couple who would be perfect for him."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You know Emma, who runs the laundry? She's got a sister who is as patient as a saint and has been pining to adopt a child for years. She and her husband never had a kid of their own."

"So he may yet find his family."

"Yep. We adopted kids need to look out for each other."

As they turned down a side street, Loki pointed out the large grey building in front of them, "I hope this dismal place is more cheerful on the interior. It would be depressing to live in one of these places."

Grace knocked on the door and stood back, waiting, "Well, here goes..."

Mother Inga was a large woman with a booming voice and when she answered the door, there was no mistaking that this was her house and one, prince or peasant, would abide by her rules once inside. She invited them in and sat them down in a large drawing room, instructing them to wait and to not touch anything. Loki sat stone still, almost afraid to move for fear of running afoul of Mother Inga. Grace found it amusing.

When Mother Inga came back, she had a teenage girl in tow, her hair brushed straight and shining, her cheeks scrubbed pink, and her blue blouse starched, her shawl and skirt crisp and bright white, "This is Del. She has been living with us for many years and is only a few decades from coming of age. She will likely flee your house to live on her own as soon as she can. She is wild, disrespectful, and will not obey orders."

Loki smiled at Del, "May she sit?"

"The girls usually stand at their best attention for these interviews."

Grace stood and stepped a little closer as Del glared at her, "Well, I'm Grace. This is Loki. And I've been the kid on the other side of these interviews. It sucks, I know, but bear with us."

"I _know_ who you are. Do you think I am an idiot? And do you think I believe for a minute that you are really just looking for a child? I am too old, everybody knows that. And everybody knows you probably just need a servant or something, so that is why you are asking about me."

"Given that the only everybody who should know about this in the room, Thor, Sif, Odin, and Miss Alva and her fellow house mothers, I think that everybody knowing something is kind of unlikely. Also, no, I have plenty of palace staff to help me keep up on the laundry, no need for anybody else."

"I made Miss Grace a promise many years ago that she and I would adopt children when we were ready. That time has come."

"So why did you never just have kids of your own?"

Grace shrugged, "I guess it never was in the cards."

Del was still eyeing them warily, "Why me?"

"Because you are the age we have been told is hardest to find homes for. You were described to us as quite spirited, a flame. And we are looking for a child who will wish to explore this world with us, who will seek knowledge and challenges. And these things, we have been told, are things you might enjoy."

Grace added, "And, frankly, I feel like I have a debt to the universe to repay. I was the kid on the street who ended up with an amazing life thanks to an unlikely adoption. I want to give that to someone else, too- someone else the system has called unadoptable."

"Well they do say that. Mother Inga says I will be lucky if anyone ever comes back for me. Nobody does. I bet you will not, either. I am stubborn, I am not cute, and you are not going to change me or convert me to some odd religion or something."

"Thank god we don't have any weird religion, then."

Loki sighed, "Miss Del, one visit will hardly tell us if you will fit in our family. We wil have to come back and we will have to go on outings to get to know one another. Please, will you permit this?"

"I hate my name."

"That can be changed, if you so wish."

Del's face lit up for the first time, "You mean that?"

"Of course. You are the one who must live with your name. I see no reason to force you to keep it if it ill suits you."

Del returned to caution, "But one of the other girls here, she says all you at the palace live decadent and debauched lives. She says there are horrible things that happen there and that Odin delights in cruelty, that Thor is a violent savage, and that you are insane and wish to destroy this realm and all others. Why would I want to be one of you?"

Mother Inga was aghast, "I told you not to speak of those rumours while our guests were here!"

Grace laughed, "That's all? I mean, really? It's not even creative!"

Loki was smiling, "I have been called far worse things than insane. Though given my history, I do not doubt that many have concluded I wish to destroy the known universe. But that is not so. And despite Thor and I's disputes, he has called me 'brother' when I most definitely did not deserve it- he is no violent savage."

"Odin's not bad, either. Scared the shit out of me when I first visited, and sure, we have our arguments, but it's OK, we're cool. You want to know why you would want to be part of our family? I don't know yet. We'll find out as we get to know you if we click or not."

"Do I have to be fancy every day?"

"Hell, no. I wear pants and tight t-shirts most of the time. Or funky sundresses. But comfortable is what I do daily."

"You mean I could wear trousers?"

"Sure. Whatever you dig. I'm not picky."

"And I could learn whatever I wanted?"

"Yep. And if you want to learn something from one of the palace staff, like forging horseshoes or how to play baseball, go for it. They're used to me asking them to make crazy stuff my brother invented. They're cool, too."

Del thought for a few moments, "Yes. We can get to know each other. But I want to do more than just talk over tea and taking a ride in a carriage in the country like the other girls all do."

"Understood. We will make arangements with Mother Inga. Perhaps we can spend a day at the palace races? The first race of the spring is approaching and it promises to be quite an exciting day. I believe Queen Sif will be riding. She has been adamant about this for quite some time."

Mother Inga looked mildly apalled at the suggestion that she would go to the races until Loki reminded her that the _palace_ races were no simple horse race for drunks to gamble on, but where the realm's best generals and warriors showed off their horses on both the race track and on jump and obstacle courses. The Council of the Court attended with their families and everyone wore their best.

Del's face fell, "_This_ is my best."

"Honey, come half an hour early and you'll have something incredible to wear, I guarantee it. We can have the seamstress on hand to fit you. I'll send her over to take your measurements and to get a sense of your style."

"You mean it?"

Before Grace could answer, Mother Inga did, "We will not pay for any required garments for outings."

"Of course not. It's not like we're hurting for cash. Do you need garb? I can have Tasha make something for you, too." Mother Inga looked stunned, but consented to the outing with no other protest.

Once they were on their way home, Grace swung Loki's hand, grinning from ear to ear, "I feel good about her. I really do. I wonder what she'd want her name to be. What do you think about her?"

"I think she is a delightfully daring young lady. Not many would dare tell me to my face that they have heard I am insane."

"So the biggest thing that draws you to our potential daughter is her complete disregard for propriety."

"Well she certainly would keep us on our toes."

"What do you think Thor would say?"

"I suppose we shall find out in a few weeks when Mother Inga brings her to the races. Who can we send to bring them who will not be racing?"

"We can send Heinrik. He's reliable."

"Indeed, he did prove himself quite well during your time as Steward."

"Then there we go. We'll see her again in a couple of weeks. And hopefully she'll fit right in."

Over the next few weeks, Grace oversaw Tasha's work on Del's dress, giving her the brightly tie-dyed fabric she had made weeks earlier. It was a simple garment, long, flowing, and with a wide scarf wrapped around the waist. The large brimmed white hat that was traditional for race days had a band of the same tie-dyed fabric. The dress for Mother Inga was much more traditional in its drape and the elegant soft grey silks used to construct it.

On the day of the race, Loki was busy with his duties setting up, so it was Grace alone that met Heinrik, Mother Inga, and Del at the palace gate, "Welcome! Come on in- Tasha's waiting for us so we can fit your dresses and get ready for the race. I still have to get dressed, too, so we'll all get ready together. It'll be fun!"

Heinrik left and Grace chatted excitedly about what they would see during the races. She said hello to Volstagg as they passed in the hall.

Del whispered to Mother Inga, "Was that Volstagg of the Warriors Three?";

"I believe so."

Grace stopped, "Do you want to meet him? We can say hi at the races. I'd introduce you now, but he's supposed to be getting Sif and Fandral ready to run. Thor will be taking Sleppnir on the obstacle and jump tracks, but it wouldn't be fair to put an 8 legged horse in the straight races...especially not _that_ 8 legged horse. Nobody else would stand a chance."

"I thought he was the All-Father's horse."

"Yeah, but Odin's not doing a whole lot of horse stuff these days. Thor rides Sleppnir sometimes, and so does Sif. He's got to stay in shape. All 8 legs of him."

Mother Inga was doing her best not to appear starstruck as they walked the wide, gilded halls to the seamstress' workshop. Tasha had the gowns displayed in her gallery when they arrived, along with the dress she had recently altered for Grace- one formerly belonging to the All-Mother, a long butter yellow gown with flowing sleeves gathered at the wrist and a long, draping silk hood that slipped easily over the matching wide-brimmed hat.

Del, however, had no such reservations and was almost stunned to silence by the grandeur of what she was seeing and the beauty of the garments in front of her. She followed Tasha's instructions to the letter as she tweaked the rainbow dress and fitted it perfectly to her. She sat cautiously and quietly as Mother Inga and Grace's fittings were finished and was even reserved as Grace led them through the palace to the race grounds behind. She was watching everything Grace did, looking for airs and trying to figure out just what she was like. Grace was at ease in the formal clothes, but she never acted like she was in a formal setting- she was familiar with the various palace workers she encountered, asking about their day, inquiring after their families. She stopped one woman and asked if she had been down to see her son lately and asked if she needed anything to prepare for his release from the dungeon. The woman acted as though they were old friends. To Del, it seemed like there were no boundaries between Grace and anyone she encountered.

Outside, she took them on a brief tour of the race grounds and then took them to the stables where the racers were tending their horses. Grace was greeted with smiles and handshakes by most, and a huge bear hug from Thor.

"Grace! How fare you, and how are our guests?"

"Fantastic, Thor. Really, I feel great- I love the first race of the season."

"It is fun, is it not? This must be Mother Inga and Miss Del." Mother Inga deeply curtseyed and Del hesitantly followed suit, "Please rise- you are our guests here today. Enjoy the race. Sleppnir will be in fine form."

Del's eyes were wide as he shook Mother Inga's hand and then her own. She was speechless. She found her voice only after they were seated in their box alongside the track.

"I just met the king."

"Yep. You did. And he's a sweetheart. I never thought I'd call anyone else my brother after Tony died, but Thor really is. He's dedicated to his family in the same way, too."

"You had a brother?"

"Yeah. Tony adopted me when I was the equivalent of a little younger than you and he was a young man. He didn't want to be a parent, though, because he felt it was kind of awkward given how close we were in age. So he was my older brother. I think that was for the best, too, given how close I had been to my parents."

"I hate my parents. They left me."

"You do not hate your parents and they did not leave you," Mother Inga chastised, "You do not need to talk of such impolite things in public, either."

Del shut down, glowering.

Grace smiled at her, "If you want to talk about it later, you can. I don't mind you being angry- it's OK. Feelings are feelings, pretty or not. I've had to have this conversation a lot with Loki- he can be so damn hard on himself. The hard hitting emotions are fine to have, it's what you do with them that matters the most."

"So why _did_ he try to destroy another realm with the Bifrost? And was it really Jotunheim?"

"DEL!" Mother Inga snapped, "You do _not _ask such things!"

Grace felt bad for the girl; her curiosity was warranted, "Tell you what, write all these questions down. We can write letters back and forth as a way to get to know each other better. I bet we'll learn a lot that way."

"Do not promise her anything."

"I'm only promising paper. I know there are some things I might not be able to answer, but we're not gods up here in the palace. We put on our knickers one leg at a time, just like everybody else."

Del was still sullen when she heard a familiar voice announcing the start of the race; Loki stood at the starting line, fully regal in his ceremonial armor and helmet, ready to inspect the horses and drop the starting flag. Thor settled into the king's box as the riders paraded into the race ring to wild cheering. These were Asgard's rock stars- warriors of great skill and cunning, the generals, the best soldiers in the army. There would be competitions for their families as well, a junior division for the children and, thanks to Sif, a relatively new division for the wives of the soldiers. There had been too much resistence from the men to simply allow them to compete in the rest of the races, despite Sif's proven skill and her insistence that she compete alongside her Warriors-formerly-Three.

With the fall of the starting flag, the first race was on, Fandral and Sif challenged by the best of their armed fellows. They usually finished in the top five and this year was no different. Sif came in first with Fandral close at her heels.

Thor's demonstrations of feats with Sleppnir were well received by the crowd, the thunder of his 8 hooves beating the audience into a frenzy. Del was fascinated by the obstacle courses and began speaking again when Loki joined them and brought her attention to all the little ways that the riders communicated with their horses, the small ways that each performance differed from the others before it, what would score well with the judges, and what would detract from the ultimate ranking of a rider.

"So if you know all this so well, why do you not compete?"

"Some years I do. This year I preferred not to."

"Why? If you like doing this, why not compete every year?"

"This year the beating of hooves and sweat of a horse are far too close reminders of a war I wish to do my best to forget."

Del's shoulders dropped, "Sorry..."

"There is nothing to be sorry _for_, Miss Del. Your question was honest."

"Really?"

"Indeed. Inquiry is the only way to ever learn what you wish to know. Some questions will offend. Others will make the person you are asking supremely uncomfortable and will yield no answer. But in order to know, you must ask. Knowledge does not simply present itself to you."

Del's face lit up, "And you do not mind?"

"Of course not. And if you have been told not to ask me certain things, then of course, abstain for the present out of respect, but that does not mean you will never know."

"Miss Grace has asked to write letters to get to know one another better."

"That seems a wise course of action."

"If you work out as my family, can I learn to ride, too?"

"I see no reason why not."

Grace added, "And if you ever want to race, ride with Sif, and beat the pants off the boys too scared to let the girls play their game."

"I bet I could."

"Damn straight, you could."

Del was grinning wide, "That would be amazing."

She was still smiling when they joined the racers and their families for a late lunch banquet after the final race. Everyone was jovial, the day a great success. Children shouted and played between the long tables laden with steaming dishes. The breeze had picked up, a slight chill on the air, the warmth of the food well welcome. Del was amazed at how easy-going everyone was. Thor stood laughing with one of the generals while children tugged at his sleeves and Sif helped their mother carry plates to the table. Fandral juggled dinner rolls to entertain Volstagg's brood. Heinrik, Tasha, and other palace staff minged with the Council of the Court.

"Is everyone so open with everyone else all of the time?"

Grace caught a dinner roll tossed her way, "No, unfortunately not. I'm trying to get that to be more of a normal thing, but you wouldn't believe how stuck in this whole class gig that some people are. I mean, we're all made of the same stuff, nobody's just dirt."

"Oh. Will they be OK with me?"

"They've managed to deal with me, so yeah, you'll be fine. Don't worry, if you decide you want us for your folks, nobody's going to mess with you."

"Are you sure?"

"Honey, if anybody tries anything, they'd better hope Loki gets to them first, because I'm fierce."

Del was about to ask another question when Loki slipped beside Grace, "Are you ready for your annual song?"

"Ooo, yes!" She turned to Del, "If there is any doubt in your mind that these people can deal with the weirdness of life, this should pretty well erase it."

"Why? What is your song?"

"Well, I started singing it for the hell of it a couple centuries ago because it got stuck in my head every year and it just kind of grew from there. And don't judge me by my singing, I'm passable at best."

"Will I know it?"

"Nope. It's pretty awesome, though. It's from Midgard over a milennia ago."

"You still have not said what it is."

"It's by an Irish band. The song's about a drunken donkey winning a race while being chased by the police...but it's so much better if you just listen to it."

"I thought you said it was from Midgard."

"Ireland's in Midgard. One of the only countries from my time that's left. Persistent group of folks. Kind of proud to be part Irish."

Loki gestured to someone and the music began. People around the tables raised glasses and some laughed while others played along with the spoons solo. Del had no idea what to expect and thought, perhaps, that the song was going to be too old for her to understand. Grace's singing, however, was animated and enthusiastic, and she even convinced Del to join her in the strange little dance in the middle that pantomimed racing the donkey.

By the end of lunch, Del was starting to feel like she might just fit in.

After a few months of letter writing, a picnic in the country, attendence to one of the royal feasts, and an evening taking tea and playing games in the palace gardens, Del sat down with Mother Inga and asked her to tell Loki and Grace she was ready. She sent the paperwork and Heinrik brought it back the same day. Del was packed and ready to move, her single trunk battered and nearly empty. When she set foot in the palace, she was met by Grace's open arms. Loki was beaming.

"Welcome home, Del."

"Actually...I read those books you lent me and I think I have a new name for myself."

"Yeah? Who do you want to be?"

"Alice."

"Alice. Through the looking glass."

"Down the rabbit hole, actually- it seems quite appropriate."

"Loki liked those books, too. Especially the cat. 'We're all mad here' and all that."

He took her trunk, "Come, my dear Miss Alice- we have your room prepared, though please feel free to decorate it as you will."

Alice's room had once been the guest bedroom Grace had been given years before- a room that she and Loki had largely stopped using except as a second sitting room. Bookshelves lined one wall, a large wardrobe on the opposite along with a brass bed with a soft mattress and down pillows. Alice opened the wardrobe to put her few garments in it and found her tie-dye dress already hanging in it along with a few other gowns and a stack of folded trousers and a selection of tunics.

"This is incredible. Thank you. Both of you. I have parents...do I have to call you anything specific now?"

"Whatever you wish," Loki replied, "Though I do admit I would like to hear you call me your father some day."

Grace was equally open, "I'm not picky. Whatever you like."

Within a few days, Alice had started calling them her Mom and Dad, her language easily adapting to some of the Midgardian speech patterns that Grace used and that she found in her books. She settled into life in the palace easily. After a year, it was as though she had always been a part of the family. She was still a little intimidated by Odin, though. Grace assured her this was completely normal. Everyone was indimidated by Odin. Family dinners were boisterous affairs, Thor's booming voice telling stories over desert, Sif asking about how Alice's schooling was coming, and Loki sharing whatever he had newly discovered in the library. Grace asked questions about everything and was often surprised to hear that her random curiosities were the fuel for Loki's research. The freedom to be curious had allowed Alice to blossom. She studied everything with a voracious appetite and Grace would often find Loki and Alice huddled over a book in the library late at night, some odd question about magic far more pressing than sleep.

Magic had been something Alice had wondered about for years and never been allowed to study. Loki had ecouraged the curiosity and had learned that the girl had an aptitude for the subject. Learning the art of it was difficult to her, but her perseverence was admirable and Loki discovered that not only did he enjoy being a father, but he enjoyed being a teacher.

Alice was also incredibly curious when it came to music. She had spent so many years in the Home for Girls and the only instruments allowed were lap harps and other "feminine" instruments that would make her most useful as a wife. She was fascinated by the old guitar Grace treated like one of the most precious instruments ever made. When she asked Grace what it sounded like, Grace not only played it, but introduced her to her record collection. Alice was entranced by the vinyl that Grace treated like gold- vinyl that had been reproduced many times in Asgard since Grace had worn through the original disks and she now had mounted on her walls.

Grace thought everything was going very well. Unfortunately, things could not stay going well forever and she started to anticipate something was going to go horribly wrong when Odin began to hold little confessions during dinner, speaking of the things that he had held close to his heart for many years- his mistakes, his regrets, and sometimes the great moments of joy he had never shared with the people he should have.

"There were many things about you, Loki, that I handled poorly. You ought to know that when you fell from us, I did not believe you could be saved and while I did not know what was beyond the void, I did not encourage Thor to seek you out. I considered you dead, or at least I convinced myself you must be. Given what you then did to Midgard and your attempt on the throne, I do believe I was still convinced you were dead and that is why I did not treat you as my son, but instead as my enemy. You are well aware that your mother saved you."

The table was silent. Grace took his hand and felt it trembling. Thor took a deep breath and quietly spoke to Sif, both desperately pretending that dinner would somehow still be salvageable, well knowing it likely wasn't. Alice continued eating, on edge, not knowing exactly what she should otherwise be doing. The only person who seemed unaffected was Odin himself.

Loki finally found words, "Why would you ever tell me this?" It was clear to anyone with any slim observation skills that he was deeply upset.

Odin did not reply. Loki quickly left.

Alice turned to Grace, "Should we go after Dad?"

"Not yet. But in a few minutes, I will."

"Will he be OK?"

"I don't know. I hope so."

"What should I do?"

Sif turned to her, "Would you like to stay with us for the night so your mother and father can sort this out?"

"Maybe, but I am worried about Dad."

"As is your mother. Being reminded of such a dark time in his life, though, may make your father a bit unpredictable."

"OK. But you need to tell me what is going on."

Thor took her aside, "I will tell you some of his story, but if Loki has not told it to you himself, I think it better you ask. He guards his heart closely."

Not long later, Grace excused herself and returned to their quarters. Loki was stretched out on the bed, his arm over his eyes, a flask of something dark on the nightstand, "Why did he have to say such a thing, Gracie? To have told me years ago that he did not love me when he first brought me here, then to admit he threw me away? Abandoned by my own father."

She sat down beside him, "I think he knows he is coming close to the end of his days and is trying to clear his heart. I don't think he's trying to hurt us, but to come to terms with himself in his own way."

"He should keep such things to himself and let it rot his heart."

"Honey, he's an old man. Let it go."

"Let it go? Let it go? Gracie, he just told me he threw me away! And when I most needed his love! I have suspected it for years, that he did not search for me, that it was only Thor and Mother who sought me out, but to hear it... And to know this when he then was ready to execute me for New York... My father threw me away and was ready to wash his hands of me."

"I'm sorry. Hug?"

He sighed and reached for her, "Please. Remind me that someone loves me as I am."

She kissed his cheek, "Always." When he fell asleep, she thought that maybe they would be fine come morning, but that nagging doubt in the back of her head appeared in her dreams and she woke knowing that he was not going to let this go. He was missing from the bed at dawn and Grace found him in the library, his notes sprawled across three tables, four different books in front of him as he cross referenced and compared miniscule details across histories. He ignored her when she hugged him and she could not break his concentration. He refused to speak. She knew something was going to go terribly wrong very quickly. She hoped she could stop it.

She found Loki missing from bed many times over the next week. Alice was worried. She had tried to ask him just what was going on and he had said nothing. Thor had told her that Loki was adopted and when he had found that out, he had reacted out of anger and pain, believing his entire life a lie, and done some very dangerous things, including using the Bifrost as a weapon. Thor had to destroy the Bifrost to stop it and Loki fell in the chaos. Thor had given no detail.

Grace finally confronted at Loki after the second week of finding him spending every waking hour of every day in the library, sleeping as little as possible and rarely eating, "Do you think this is really helping?"

"No, Gracie, but I have no other occupation to take my mind off those words."

"Loki. No. You are not going to starve yourself in the name of research to try to forget that your father was an asshole and still acts like one once in a while. He doesn't think, you know that. You also know that he did love you, and that even though he sucks at showing it, he does to this day. Otherwise you wouldn't still be here and you know that."

"My father threw me away, Grace. Have you any idea what it feels like to be thrown out of your family?" Having spoken, he instantly regretted his words.

"Um, gee, yeah. I do. Remember my aunt? The whole pimping me out to her johns thing? And that part where when I said no, she threw me out and I wasn't even a teenager- ended up living on the streets? Yeah, I get it. I get it big time. And it hurts, but you can survive hearing it if I can survive being kicked out of Brewster for not wanting to be a child whore."

"I'm sorry, Gracie."

"So what are you going to do about this? Alice is starting to wonder if she still has a father and I'm starting to wonder if my husband is ever coming home or if you've turned into a research machine. Did you turn off your 'you' or something?"

"I have no idea what else to do. So many memories of the abyss- and to know that he was not looking for me..."

"But Thor was. And Thor says your mother was always waiting to hear if he'd found you. Odin fucked up. And he knows that. He hasn't thrown you away again. I think he learned."

"I do not. A child found on a rock and taken in as a trophy, rather than a son...has he ever loved me? Can he? He handed me to Thanos."

"He regrets that and you know it. He says he loves you. And I think you have to trust that."

"I cannot trust him."

"He's not the only person in your family and we _are_ trying to reach you and you just keep pushing away."

Loki finally looked up, "What?"

"You, retreating when I keep trying to get you to listen, refusing to say anything to Alice, and telling Thor to butt out. Nothing has changed from before you knew for sure. You've always suspected this. And, you know, we're still right here."

"Gracie, please. I need time..."

"I'll give you until the end of today and then you have some explaining to do. You have a daughter _now_, it isn't just about you and I. And I'm starting to wonder if you aren't planning something horrible to get back at your father. I promised to seek you out even if you were hurting bad enough to try for genocide again, but don't make me go through that shit. This isn't just about you anymore." She left the library hoping that she got through to him.

Alice was morose that evening when Loki knocked on her bedroom door, "Go away, Dad. Oh wait, you did that...for two weeks. I ought to be used to it by now."

He spoke to her through the door, "I am deeply sorry, Alice."

"Yeah, well for someone so hurt by being abandoned by your father, you did a shitty job not abandoning your own family when you feel like you just can't handle life."

"Please, Alice...may I come in and talk?"

"Fuck off."

"You have learned your mother's language well... But I feel as though I owe you something of an explanation."

"Thor covered that- you found out you were adopted, you went a little nuts with the 'oh, my life is a lie' thing, and you turned to trying to prove yourself in the worst way possible. Then you fell from the Bifrost. And you kept trying to prove yourself even after you were found again and nearly got yourself killed in the process."

"Thor did a fairly decent job, true, but it is not his story to tell."

"He beat you to it."

"Alice, please, let me tell you face to face."

There was a long pause, then, "Fine."

He entered and sat in the rocking chair beside her bed, "Thor did not tell you that he was banished to Midgard when I found out and I felt I had no one to turn to. That I attempted to have him killed, lied to him to keep him away, tried to keep Sif and the Warriors Three from finding him, and allowed Laufey of Jotunheim into Odin's chamber so that I might kill him and rescue both Mother and Father and be the hero. I sought to turn the Bifrost on Jotunheim so that I might defeat the monsters that Father never could. I could not stop it once it had begun and Thor smashed the bridge, causing us both to tumble over the edge. I could have been rescued, but when I told Father I could have done it, he simply told me no. And I let go. I let go and was found by a horrifically brutal creature named Thanos with whom I made a deal. I wanted to rule a realm, to best Father. I again failed. When Father threw me away, I decided to become the tyrant that could best him- if I could not have his love, I would have his hate. Equally strong, possibly moreso. This, my dear Alice, is what I have been consumed by these weeks. The memories of those years, of torture, of despair, the feeling of being worth nothing so long as I could not prove myself better than Thor, the golden child, future king, my favoured brother."

"Dad, killing off all of Jotunheim is a huge overreaction to being told you are adopted."

"In retrospect, yes."

"And so is trying to take over Midgard."

"Again, in retrospect, yes. But it all did lead me to your mother."

"Which is great, but they were still stupid decisions."

"Emotions are not good basis for rational decisions."

"No. And from what Thor says, you were pretty stubborn."

"That is one way to describe me."

"I think you forget one thing though, Dad."

"And that is?"

"If your mom was the only thing keeping your dad from killing you for treason, he still could have done it once she was dead. He must have found something in his heart that still loved you. And then when you tried it _again_ to prove yourself able to protect Mom...and he still just tossed you in a cell...there's a weird kind of love there."

Loki sighed, "It has never felt like enough."

"Well Mom and I love you. That should be."

"As you well know, the wounds from those who ought to love you not doing so are deep and lasting."

"I know. And I know it means you need alone time. But two weeks is stupid. And it's ditching the people who _do_ love you. That's not cool."

"I am sorry, Alice."

She rolled her eyes, "Come on, give me a hug. Just don't do this again."

A few hours later, Loki returned to the library and gathered his papers. He reshelved books and brought a pile of pages back to their chambers. In the morning, Grace found most of them in the rubbish bin. She did not dare ask what he had been planning, but she saw rough-sketched maps and felt a creeping sense of dread. That afternoon, she decided that keeping the family busy was the best way to make sure he did not do something incredibly irresponsible. She dug out a few of her scripts, soundtracks, and music books and sat down with Loki and Alice. It was high time that Broadway come to Asgard and a production would most certainly keep everyone plenty busy until Loki had figured out how to deal with his feelings about Odin without killing anyone.

_Author's note: Yes, the song about the drunken donkey is real. It is by Gaelic Storm, titled "Darcy's Donkey"- look it up, and if you can find concert footage that is decent, it is worth it. Or just see them live, they are brilliant._


End file.
